9 February 2020 –
Sheffield United 2 Bournemouth 1 (30,361)
For the second day
running we found ourselves driving north up the A1, destination this
time being Bramall Lane, home of Sheffield United, for their Premier
League match against Bournemouth. We had company on this occasion,
namely Storm Ciara, who proved to be a right bitch! Even 25mph on the
M1 seemed too fast for the conditions, so as we drew closer to the
Steel City our expectation of seeing any football diminished. This
wasn't helped when we heard that Man City's game had been called off.
Satnav took us right
along Shoreham Road, after which the “home end” is named, and we
quickly food the traditional “Match Day Parking £5” industrial
back yard. Unusually, this time Les the money collector told us that
he would bee the fiver for the time being but give us it back if the
game fell victim to Ciara – and there's a pitch inspection at one
o'clock. We huddled in our rain-battered car, surrounded by many
other fans doing the same thing, then blissfully the local radio
announced that the game is.....ON! Get in there! Instantly all the
cars in the car park emptied, and we made our way back along Shoreham
Road.
We had tickets for the
home end so were expecting good things. Right inside the turnstiles
were very basic loos and very basic food outlets, with very few
products on offer...no thanks, we'll try our luck elsewhere. This
idea had merit, as after climbing some proper football ground
Himalayas stairs were found another kiosk offering “Pie Chips and
Peas or Gravy” for £7. That's more like it. Sadly all four tills
were card payment only so we had to go down even more stairs to a
third outlet, identical to the first in its basic menu. Come on Sheff
United, that's pretty rubbish! I went for pie and Bovril as usual,
poor old Sam ended up with the driest hotdog ever made, and with the
bun sliced right through. Poor, and it cost just under £13, Prem
prices for conference grub. Also poor was the lack of programme
sellers available, so just like the previous day we didn't obtain
that invaluable aid to future memories.
We were expecting a
feast of high quality, skilful, fast-moving football. What we got was
a tame game with few highlights, and lots of play-acting from
Bournemouth players. Seven or eight of their players hit the deck for
seemingly life-threatening injuries. Amazingly, after they conceded
the goal that put them 2-1 down, not a single further player was
spotted rolling around on the grass in apparent agony. Funny that.
Sheffield won 2-1 but
the football was not very interesting. The Sheffield fans were more
entertaining, but that's not saying a lot. The volume level was
pretty reasonable, including two or three moments when it went to
that level where football fans feel it in their heads, bodies and
hearts, properly deafening. Few and far between though. And the
Blades songbook is a very peculiar affair, they have lots of unique
songs but most of them seem crowbar-ed into tunes that they really
should not. And the £20M purchase of Oli McBurnie is surely
something to keep quiet about rather than sing about...nice use of
the Oasis song She's Electric” by the way, changed to He's
Norwegian in praise of new signing Sander Berge.
Bramall Lane is a nice
example of an English football ground, with four individual stands
and some corners filled in. I hadn't visited for 31 years, when a Mel
Sterland 130 yard free kick (possibly my memory not 100% accurate on
the distance) earned Super Leeds a point in a 2-2 draw at Christmas.
The away end back then featured lots of very thick concrete posts
holding up the top tier, but affecting the view horribly. These have
now been removed. If you want the lap of luxury at football then this
is not the place to go – but who wants luxury? Getting away after
the game was not as horrendous as Huddersfield but still seemed to
take an eternity, before heading back down the M1, A57, A1 then A17
to home.
And so to the scoring:
Atmosphere 3.0 About
what you would expect for the level.
Food & Drink 1.5
Terrible, sort it out Blades.
Stadium 3.5 Worth a
visit, old skool but interesting..
Value For Money 2.5
Overpriced. I would rather go to Sleaford Town eight times...
Two bonus points for a
never heard before song – He's Norwegian.
Bonus points for
Bovril, character mascot (Captain Pugwash?), singing at least three
different songs, and a big old bad-ass scoreboard.
Half a point for
extendable tunnel.
Zero man-bun bonus...
Final score 17.0
Current table:
1 Rotherham United 19.0
2 Huddersfield Town
19.0
3 Chesterfield Town
18.5
4 Sheffield United 17.0
(above York on Atmosphere)
5
York City 17.0
6 Walsall 16.5
7
Stamford 16.0
8 Doncaster Rovers 15.5
9 Boston United 15.0
10 Lincoln City 13.5
11 Newark Flowserve
13.25
12 Falkirk 13.0
13 Sleaford Town 12.5
14 Mansfield Town 12.0
Total goals so far = 42
Average goals = 3.00. Global average 2.75.
Miles this match = 94.
Miles this season = 1671.
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