Monday 16 March 2020

7 March 2020 - Alfreton Town v York City - National League North


In recent months we have planned to visit North Street, home of Alfreton Town, several times, but the games have fallen foul of the weather. Today we were luckier, and so we made the trip to the now-named Impact Arena (minus one point) for the match against York, arguing over the rules of Pub Sign Cricket as we went.

Alfreton Town play in the National League North, the sixth level down in English football. Obviously, so do their opponents today, York City, but they have a history of consistently higher level competition. With a couple of seasons in the old Division Two (now Championship) their loftiest. York arrived as league leaders, while Alfreton are scrapping around for points to try to squeeze into the play-offs. Big game for both teams.


We'd been advised that we could park in a nearby nunnery for free – we found the place easily but it just didn't feel right and I was nervous about it. “Just do it Dad” said Sam, “God won't smite you!” “No, but the nuns might wheel-clamp me mate” I replied. So we drove down and parked in the official club car park for a reasonable £3, directed to our space by Alan the Nice Bloke (Colin the Bastard's brother-in-law). Close to the ground and cheap, amen to that sister!


Entry was cheap, just £16 for the two of us, which is low for National League North. Once inside we beheld the magnificent colosseum that is The Impact Arena. Well, it's a tidy non-league ground anyway. Along each side there's a covered stand, behind one goal is an uncovered stand, and at the other end is a nice size terrace with a metal shelter at the back for when southern fans are visiting. For this game there was segregation in place so the home end was the bank of red seating and the York fans could enjoy watching the game while standing up. There appears to be a definite slope on this pitch which you can make out in one of the photos – the supports at either end of the side stand are clearly different lengths. OK, it's not exactly Mount Everest but we wondered if Alfreton use it to their advantage...


Right, time for some food! The snack bar was right next to the turnstiles and there was no queue – in we go! It's a basic menu but soooo much better than some we've seen – in particular the shameful goings-on at Sheffield United. This place has everything we ever want – pie and Bovril for Dad, cheeseburger and water for Sam. And we both added chips to our order today. The cost was £10.80 which is phenomenal value when you consider just how much food we were served. My tray was so full that the pie had to be wedged in edgeways. And Sam loved his burger, especially as there was cheese on both sides of the meat. Top grub ATFC!


But! There's a but. The staff. Well, the two of them “front of house”, The lady running around like a manic chicken in the kitchen deserves a medal. The two girls serving need a course in customer service:

Snack bar staff rating:
Attitude: Surly
Efficiency: Passable
Customer Interaction: Aggressive
Summary: Stab vest recommended

We parked ourselves near the halfway line opposite the (extendable!) tunnel and watched the warm-ups before the gladiators entered the arena. Now, we visited Bootham Crescent in January and fell in love with York's crazy centre-back pairing of Steve McNulty and Sean Newton. McNulty is a sixty three year old silver fox who never leaves his own half, while Newton obviously bets on himself to be the first goalscorer in each match and shoots every time he receives the ball. We were not disappointed with them here – McNulty played superbly within a radius of 20 metres and Newton found his shooting boots and scored two exquisite free kicks from outside the penalty area. As so often happens we found ourselves alongside a scout (see pic) and as usual he wouldn't tell me why he was there. Bet it was to look at future prospect McNulty though...


The match was thoroughly entertaining with occasional outbreaks of proper football. York stormed into a 2-0 lead and never looked back, adding their third courtesy of Newton in the second half. Although Alfreton pulled a goal back near the end it was pretty much one way traffic throughout and York were deserved victors. One of the great things about non-league is that you can hear everything that the players and officials are saying, which is highly entertaining. Effing this and effing that is the dialect of choice, and that was just the ref. All in all this match was well worth the visit.


Post-match we were in the car within two minutes and homeward bound with the minimum of fuss, perfect. Thank you Alfreton Town for such an enjoyable and cost-effective afternoon!


And so to the scoring:
Atmosphere 2.0 Terrible. First team this season to miss out on a point for singing at least three songs. York away support was good.
Food & Drink 5.0 Unbeatable. So much food, such tasty food. I couldn't eat it all, and that's never happened before.
Stadium 2.5 Quirky, wonky and perfect for this level.
Value For Money 4.0 Around £30 for everything – tickets, food, parking, the lot. Non-league is great VFM.

Bonus points for Bovril, 50/50 draw and a half for the extendable tunnel.
Man-bun bonus of 0.25.
Point deducted for sponsored stadium name.

Final score 15.25. Good score for Alfreton, 10th in the league, only behind Worksop on Atmosphere. Which is fair.


Current table:
1 Rotherham United 19.0
2 Huddersfield Town 19.0
3 Chesterfield Town 18.5
4 Sheffield United 17.0
5 York City 17.0
6 Walsall 16.5
7 Stamford 16.0
8 Doncaster Rovers 15.5
9 Worksop Town 15.25
10 Alfreton Town 15.25
11 Boston United 15.0
12 Lincoln City 13.5
13 Newark Flowserve 13.25
14 Falkirk 13.0
15 Sleaford Town 12.5
16 Mansfield Town 12.0

Total goals so far = 47 Average goals = 2.94. Global average 2.75.

Miles this match = 58. Miles this season = 1784.


Monday 24 February 2020

22 February 2020 – Worksop Town v Sutton Coldfield Town - Northern Premier League


Worksop Town were formed in 1861 and are the world's fourth oldest football club. This week they face a tax bill of £30,000 which, if not paid, will mean the club is wound up and cease to exist. Thus we decided to do our tiny bit and visit Sandy Lane for The Tigers' match against Sutton Coldfield Town. No sooner had we mentioned that we were off to this game than Youtube groundhopping legend Smiv followed suit, to create another of his top quality On The Road films. Sam is a big fan of Smiv's. Another draw for us was that the club offered us a parking space in the club car park, a first.


We were excited as we approached the ground, looking forward to VIP treatment...but we received a gruff “Not coming in” from the steward. “Keith Ilett has sorted it” we said. “I don't care, you can't come in” replied Colin The Bastard. “Can you go and ask him then” I said, which is what I had been told to say if the steward refused entry. “No I can't, and you're not coming in here.” Thanks a lot Worksop, and special thanks to the rudest steward we've ever met, Colin The Bastard.


So we parked on a roadside in an industrial estate. After walking back past Colin The Bastard (he didn't object this time) we paid in, and it was only £8 for me and £4 for Sam, Old Wilf in the turnstile box was flipping freezing, no wonder as there was a ferocious gale howling down the pitch towards him. In through the clicks and it's “Football!”, first impressions of Sandy Lane were small but neat. Typical of non-league you can walk right around the ground, so we did. To the right of the way in is the smallest terrace I have ever seen, painted black for some reason. Along the “far side” we walked behiond the dug-outs, and it's a two-tier concrete walkway the whole length of the pitch. Behind the other goal is a covered shelter, and on the other side is a long stand with about six rows of seats. We briefly took a seat in the top row to test the windchill factor, and discovered that we were completely sheltered, and almost cosy. We had found of view for the day. The ground is compact and suits the club's level, but there are also several tatty bits, and a part of the stand roof is not secured and flapped alarmingly in the wind.


Seats decided, our thoughts turned to food. We found the snack bar at the side of the clubhouse. Two ladies grafting away, looked like sisters, and the service was brilliant, thank you Debbie and Alison. We both went for comfort food today, which meant chips with gravy. Sam got his water (with the seal snapped for some reason) and I asked for the regulation Bovril. No, but we do Oxo. Obviously not a satisfactory alternative, but I went for it just for the novelty value. Let me tell you, Oxo is no substitute for Bovril, come on Worksop, give the girls a little better budget to upgrade their meat-based hot beverage selection!


The game kicked off with an ironic song of “Tigers, Tigers, ra ra ra” from us two. With the wind whsitling straight down the pitch the quality of play was affected, but the players worked their cobs off. Worksop hit the bar but that was pretty much all the excitement done. 

The excitement at half time was provided by the annopuncement that £23k had been raised towards the £30k target, yes! We suddenly felt more confident about the future of the club. We won the 50/50 as usual – we haven't “not won” this season. What this actually means is that, when the tannoy shouts the winning numbers, we always yell an enthusiastic “YESSSSS!”. Locals look round jealously, then we say “Not really”. It amuses us OK.


Second half was much more entertaining, Sutton Coldfield scored early through a player we misheard called “Utter Shit Player” on the tannoy - actual name Usher-Shipway, sorry dude. Worksop made a real fight of it after that, peppering the opponents' goal with lots of shots but no really clear chances. Sutton had a man sent off for what looked like a wild kick at a player on the ground, inviting more pressure. The best form of attack for Sutton Coldfield was the long punt downfield, wind assisted. We noted that one of the linesmen had forgotten his shirt and wore just black under-armour.


It finished 0-1, Worksop's manager Kyle Jordan played for the last fifteen minutes, and looked frustrated, cheers for saying hello when we were walking round the pitch. We really hope that Worksop Town live to fight another day. Here's the link to their fundraising page:

A decent day out apart from Colin The Bastard. Let's keep Worksop Town going!


And so to the scoring:
Atmosphere 2.5 Reasonable for the size of club, good repertoire, not bad.
Food & Drink 3.0 Cheap as....just £7 for chips and gravy twice, water and, errrr....Oxo.
Stadium 3.0 Right size for the level, very tatty in places, bit of the stand roof flapping dangerously in the gale.
Value For Money 4.5 £23 for everything makes this a good place to spend a Saturday afternoon.
Bonus points for singing at least three different songs, and 50/50 draw.

Man-bun bonus of 0.25

Final score 15.25 A great mid table for Worksop Town!


Current table:
1 Rotherham United 19.0
2 Huddersfield Town 19.0
3 Chesterfield Town 18.5
4 Sheffield United 17.0 (above York on Atmosphere)
5 York City 17.0
6 Walsall 16.5
7 Stamford 16.0
8 Doncaster Rovers 15.5
9 Worksop Town 15.25
10 Boston United 15.0
11 Lincoln City 13.5
12 Newark Flowserve 13.25
13 Falkirk 13.0
14 Sleaford Town 12.5
15 Mansfield Town 12.0

Total goals so far = 43 Average goals = 2.87. Global average 2.75.

Miles this match = 55. Miles this season = 1726.


Saturday 22 February 2020

9 February 2020 – Sheffield United v Bournemouth - Premier League


9 February 2020 – Sheffield United 2 Bournemouth 1 (30,361)

For the second day running we found ourselves driving north up the A1, destination this time being Bramall Lane, home of Sheffield United, for their Premier League match against Bournemouth. We had company on this occasion, namely Storm Ciara, who proved to be a right bitch! Even 25mph on the M1 seemed too fast for the conditions, so as we drew closer to the Steel City our expectation of seeing any football diminished. This wasn't helped when we heard that Man City's game had been called off.


Satnav took us right along Shoreham Road, after which the “home end” is named, and we quickly food the traditional “Match Day Parking £5” industrial back yard. Unusually, this time Les the money collector told us that he would bee the fiver for the time being but give us it back if the game fell victim to Ciara – and there's a pitch inspection at one o'clock. We huddled in our rain-battered car, surrounded by many other fans doing the same thing, then blissfully the local radio announced that the game is.....ON! Get in there! Instantly all the cars in the car park emptied, and we made our way back along Shoreham Road.


We had tickets for the home end so were expecting good things. Right inside the turnstiles were very basic loos and very basic food outlets, with very few products on offer...no thanks, we'll try our luck elsewhere. This idea had merit, as after climbing some proper football ground Himalayas stairs were found another kiosk offering “Pie Chips and Peas or Gravy” for £7. That's more like it. Sadly all four tills were card payment only so we had to go down even more stairs to a third outlet, identical to the first in its basic menu. Come on Sheff United, that's pretty rubbish! I went for pie and Bovril as usual, poor old Sam ended up with the driest hotdog ever made, and with the bun sliced right through. Poor, and it cost just under £13, Prem prices for conference grub. Also poor was the lack of programme sellers available, so just like the previous day we didn't obtain that invaluable aid to future memories. 

We were expecting a feast of high quality, skilful, fast-moving football. What we got was a tame game with few highlights, and lots of play-acting from Bournemouth players. Seven or eight of their players hit the deck for seemingly life-threatening injuries. Amazingly, after they conceded the goal that put them 2-1 down, not a single further player was spotted rolling around on the grass in apparent agony. Funny that.


Sheffield won 2-1 but the football was not very interesting. The Sheffield fans were more entertaining, but that's not saying a lot. The volume level was pretty reasonable, including two or three moments when it went to that level where football fans feel it in their heads, bodies and hearts, properly deafening. Few and far between though. And the Blades songbook is a very peculiar affair, they have lots of unique songs but most of them seem crowbar-ed into tunes that they really should not. And the £20M purchase of Oli McBurnie is surely something to keep quiet about rather than sing about...nice use of the Oasis song She's Electric” by the way, changed to He's Norwegian in praise of new signing Sander Berge.

Bramall Lane is a nice example of an English football ground, with four individual stands and some corners filled in. I hadn't visited for 31 years, when a Mel Sterland 130 yard free kick (possibly my memory not 100% accurate on the distance) earned Super Leeds a point in a 2-2 draw at Christmas. The away end back then featured lots of very thick concrete posts holding up the top tier, but affecting the view horribly. These have now been removed. If you want the lap of luxury at football then this is not the place to go – but who wants luxury? Getting away after the game was not as horrendous as Huddersfield but still seemed to take an eternity, before heading back down the M1, A57, A1 then A17 to home.


And so to the scoring:
Atmosphere 3.0 About what you would expect for the level.
Food & Drink 1.5 Terrible, sort it out Blades.
Stadium 3.5 Worth a visit, old skool but interesting..
Value For Money 2.5 Overpriced. I would rather go to Sleaford Town eight times...

Two bonus points for a never heard before song – He's Norwegian.

Bonus points for Bovril, character mascot (Captain Pugwash?), singing at least three different songs, and a big old bad-ass scoreboard.

Half a point for extendable tunnel.

Zero man-bun bonus...

Final score 17.0


Current table:
1 Rotherham United 19.0
2 Huddersfield Town 19.0
3 Chesterfield Town 18.5
4 Sheffield United 17.0 (above York on Atmosphere)
5 York City 17.0
6 Walsall 16.5
7 Stamford 16.0
8 Doncaster Rovers 15.5
9 Boston United 15.0
10 Lincoln City 13.5
11 Newark Flowserve 13.25
12 Falkirk 13.0
13 Sleaford Town 12.5
14 Mansfield Town 12.0

Total goals so far = 42 Average goals = 3.00. Global average 2.75.

Miles this match = 94. Miles this season = 1671.


8 February 2020 – Huddersfield Town v Queens Park Rangers - League One


8 February 2020 – Huddersfield Town 2 Queens Park Rangers 0 (21,083)

E I E I E I O, up the football leagues we go for ground number thirteen of the 2019/20 season. To Huddersfield Town to be precise, who were hosting Queens Park Rangers. We allowed plenty of time and after a smooth trip we found ourselves in a “Match Day Parking for £5” compound behind a factory, but within sight of the floodlights. Ten minutes later we were right outside the John Smiths stadium, marvelling at Huddersfield's “megastore” which is actually a Portakabin, and looking for a programme seller. We didn't find one (and the shop had sold out after the game)...


From the outside this stadium has a nice, original look, instead of box-shaped stands there are four huge curved steel beams holding up the front of each side, it's pleasing to see at least one stadium architect literally thinking outside “the box”. It is set in front of a large hill, with the Pennines looming darkly in the distance. It's just off Leeds Road which was the name of their old place, and somewhere that I visited several times with Super Leeds, so we thought the old ground must be somewhere close(ish). We were right, we walked virtually right past where it used to be.


Clicked our way through the turnstiles and up many, many....many stairs to find our seats in Row SS of the Fantastic Media Stand – I really don't like either grounds or stands being lumbered with ridiculous sounding sponsor names, much prefer “South Stand” or whatever. Can't imagine fans singing “We're the Fantastic Media Stand, we're the Fantastic Media Stand”, can you? Our view was terrific, from the top tier, separated from the bottom tier by a row of executive boxes, and the tannoy system was very loud. And here I have to credit Huddersfield's DJ who plays a succession of songs aimed directly at “my generation”...Stone Roses, The Jam, you know the kind of thing – proper music. Not a Little Bloody Mix tune in sight.


One of the reasons we came to Hudds was to catch up with their manager Danny Cowley and Sam's favourite player Harry Toffolo, both imported this season from Lincoln City where we saw them many times. Happily Toffolo was in the starting eleven and during a first half in which the home team played Bloody Awful football he was the stand-out performer, romping down the left flank and defending solidly. It was 0-0 at half time, QPR looked much brighter and more dangerous, and hit the post. Huddersfield pretty clueless. Half time “entertainment” was simply some local youngsters taking penalty kicks against the female Huddersfield mascot, not sure if it was a rabbit, dog or skunk, although we later worked out that it must be a dog (the club nickname is The Terriers). 


Before kick-off there was a minute's silence in tribute to former HTAFC player Jordan Sinnott, and there was a minute's applause in the 25th minute (his shirt number), both were respectfully observed.


The second half improved slightly in terms of both the football and the atmosphere. Huddersfield had an extra player in the form of Storm Ciara, giving their forward play more snap and verve, while QPR struggled going the opposite way. A goal from Kachunga and a dodgy penalty by Mounie (it was deffo a dive) gave the hosts a comfortable 2-0 win. A particular highlight was QPR's introduction of ex-Leeds starlet Jack Clarke, and it was reassuring to see him as clueless for QPR as he had been back at Elland Road on loan before Christmas. It spurred the Cowshed Boys (Huddersfield's “home end”) into action and we can joyfully report that they do indeed hate Leeds scum.


Post match we quickly found our way back to the car park but actually getting out of Huddersfield was a bloody nightmare, and took an hour. Poor post-game traffic management!


And so to the scoring:
Atmosphere 2.5 Only really got going after the goals.
Food & Drink 3.5 I loved it, superb pie. Sam disappointed with no burger but enjoyed his Yorkshire wrap. Bit pricey.
Stadium 4.0 Striking, original, good views, worth a visit.
Value For Money 2.5 Over-average prices for under-average football.

Bonus points for Bovril, Character Mascot, 50/50 draw, Yes they all hate Leeds scum, singing at least three different songs, big old bad-ass scoreboard, big flags.

Half a point for flag-waving kids.

Lost a point for home fans using a drum.

Zero man-bun bonus...

Final score 19.0 Huddersfield go second thanks to scoring a lower Atmosphere score than Rotherham.


Current table:
1 Rotherham United 19.0
2 Huddersfield Town 19.0
3 Chesterfield Town 18.5
4 York City 17.0
5 Walsall 16.5
6 Stamford 16.0
7 Doncaster Rovers 15.5
8 Boston United 15.0
9 Lincoln City 13.5
10 Newark Flowserve 13.25
11 Falkirk 13.0
12 Sleaford Town 12.5
13 Mansfield Town 12.0

Total goals so far = 39 Average goals = 3.00. Global average 2.75.

Miles this match = 161. Miles this season = 1577.


25 January 2020 – Newark Flowserve v Long Eaton United - Midland League Premier


Living in Newark nowadays we've intended to get along to one of the local clubs, and today was the day. The mechanic at Nice Motors had told me all about this up-and-coming team called Newark Flowserve, where the football was entertaining and the fans lively, so that's where we went, for the visit of Long Eaton United. They play at a ground called Lowfields Lane, and as I spent many happy seasons standing on the Lowfields terrace at Elland Road it seemed fate that I would visit.


It was a double socks and thermals day when we headed to the outskirts of Newark and up the slope towards the home of Newark Flowserve. Parking is free and right outside the entrance, use postcode NG24 3BU. First impressions are that it looks quite scruffy, but you have to remember that the team are on a steep upward trajectory and the infrastructure must keep pace with that development. It takes time to improve a football ground at any level and Lowfields Lane is a work in progress. They do have a really good social club on site which is actually the property of Flowserve, an engineering company that all the players used to be drawn from (we're talking many, many, many years ago, when the team was called J Simpson & Co Football Club). On Saturday that cosy clubhouse was a very welcome respite from the arctic temperature outside.

 
It's very cheap to get in, it cost just £5 for me and an extra quid for Sam, and just inside the solitary turnstile you'll find the programmes and the Golden Goal tickets, for £2 and £1 respectively. To the left of the turnstile is a practice pitch, upon which we watched the teams doing their warm-ups. We even got the odd “Orite lads” from the players, you don't get that in the Premier League! We did notice a higher than usual number of man-buns, which would work in Flowserve's favour when the scoring took place next day...

At non-league grounds we like to walk right around the pitch but you can't do that here, unless you climb through a fence a trespass through the gardens of Betty & Tony, Liz & Martin and Wilf at number 43. We didn't want to do that so settled for a slight trespass onto the pitch for photos before heading inside for a warm through before going to find some food.



Ah, the food...absolutely bloody marvellous! Maureen & Janice in the Snack Shack are incredibly friendly and welcoming, the polar opposite of the Ferocious Snackbar Lady at Eslaforde Park, home of Sleaford Town. We both opted for cheeseburger with chips, Sam added a water and I had to settle for a tomato soup as there-s no Bovril on offer (come on Flowserve, that was an easy point you dropped there!). My burger was a tastebud treat. And the whole lot cost under a tenner, so really good value too.


We found a couple of seats at the end of the small stand, oddly positioned behind one half of the goal line, and awaited the match. The crowd at Newark Flowserve is a little different to most non-league crowds, a lot less old boys in flat caps and a lot more younger lads who wouldn't look out of place in a photo on social media posing in front of a flag, labelled “Lads on the way to Blackburn”. There was also a lot of Nottingham Forest badges on show, so I think Flowserve pick up quite a lot of fans when Forest are not at home.


Out strolled the teams and we're off! We were debuting a new point scoring method today, a quarter of a point for every man-bun on the pitch at kick-off, and three of Flowserve's back four obliged, earning them a nice 0.75 extra. We'd been led to believe that Newark Flowserve are the Man City of this league, so it was a shock to see them lose 3-1 to a mid-table rival – it's obvious that this was simply a bad day at the office, things will be back on track soon I'm sure. Long Eaton's second goal was beautiful, a 30 yard shot which flew like a Scud missile into the roof of the net, leaving the (slightly too far forward) goalie back-pedalling helplessly. Newark's penalty consolation came following one of three comical penno shouts in the first five minutes after the restart.

We thoroughly enjoyed our afternoon at Lowfields Lane, despite the cold weather and the crowd of feral young kids throwing stones into the ground from the adjacent building site. And we missed out on winning the Golden Goal by just two minutes dammit. We'll be back for sure...


And so to the scoring:
Atmosphere 2.0 The lads behind the dugouts enjoyed themselves, especially after Flowserve pulled a goal back.
Food & Drink 3.5 No pies, but fabulous cheeseburger. And no Bovril. Decent though.
Stadium 2.0 It will do for now but will need to keep pace with the team's upward progress.
Value For Money 4.0 Less than £20 for the whole football day out? Blooming marvellous!

Bonus points for 50/50 draw (Golden Goal in this case) and fans singing at least three different songs

Man bun bonus (0.25 each) of 0.75

Lost a point for home fans using a drum.

Final score 13.25


Current table:
1 Rotherham United 19.0
2 Chesterfield Town 18.5
3 York City 17.0
4 Walsall 16.5
5 Stamford 16.0
6 Doncaster Rovers 15.5
7 Boston United 15.0
8 Lincoln City 13.5
9 Newark Flowserve 13.25
10 Falkirk 13.0
11 Sleaford Town 12.5
12 Mansfield Town 12.0

Total goals so far = 37. Average goals = 3.08. Global average 2.75.

Miles this match = 3. Miles this season = 1416.


11 January 2020 – York City v AFC Telford - National League North


11 January 2020 – York City 2 AFC Telford 0 (2,299)

An 80+ mile round trip is further than we usually venture but we decided that we had to visit Bootham Crescent, home of York City, before they move to a new home next season. And so we found ourselves driving into the middle of York and couldn't help comparing with our trip to Rotherham – York is a rather beautiful place, Rotherham is rather....industrial (or as Sam says “a right toilet”). Oooh there's a church, wow look at that row of stone cottages, we were impressed. After a while the satnav said turn left so we did, and spotted that the road name was Bootham Crescent...must be close now. Soon a floodlight appeared over the rooftops, then....is it? YEESSS! BOOTHAM CRESCENT! It's the most excited we've ever reacted to finding a stadium!


When we asked Twitter for parking info we were advised to head to the hospital multi-storey – but we think we found better. As you approach the ground from Bootham Crescent turn right, past a working men's club, then keep right before a sharp left. You'll be on a residential terrace with free parking and no restrictions, two minutes stroll from the turnstile! We took a wander to have a look what we could find, and there are several old, disused turnstile entrances echoing the stadium's busier history – wow those gates were narrow back then! Programme and 50/50 tickets bought – both from VERY welcoming sellers, and a close encounter with a lion (might have been the mascot) we decided to go inside.


This was a little confusing. It's pay on the gate at York, simple enough, but apparently you can't buy food inside the ground! So we had to stock up from Keeley and Shaz in the food hut outside and then go in. Slightly odd. The man on the turnstile was exceptionally friendly, the welcome given here was lovely all day. He explained that the ancient metal turnstile had come from Old Trafford when it had been redeveloped years ago – and that he loved it so much he wanted to buy it when this stadium is eventually knocked down. He also gave us incredibly precise directions to the toilets when we got in, a 25-30 second walk he said...


We headed up to the top row of the Main Stand, close to the announcer's box, and tucked into the food. £11.50 for a steak pie, cheeseburger, Bovril and water. Bizarrely the water arrived with the lid already removed, like they do in Scotland, and because of local ground regulations. BUT this makes carrying all the food and drink into the ground from outside, through centuries old turnstiles, a tricky balancing act. The food was OK but not outstanding, Sam's burger bun was “odd”. My pie was hotter than the Sun, and I couldn't eat it for quite a while (not a criticism). 


I have to say, this ground is my favourite of the season so far, and I can't imagine it being bettered. It's a complete time capsule and took me straight back through the decades to when football grounds were all individual, quirky and magnificently flawed. The seats in the Main Stand are austere and wooden. There are pillars obscuring the view. There's even a tiny tin cabin on the far side at which you can pay an extra pound to transfer from the end terrace to the Popular Side stand. Wonderful! The turnstile operator's directions to the loos were spot on, and they are also beautifully outdated.


At this point we need to thank York City FC media team who arranged for us (We're On Our Way!) to get a mention over the tannoy at half time, cheers boys! We also did our regular “shout loud to pretend we won the 50/50” and blimey, we fooled so many people it was brilliant.


The game itself was quite even until the last ten minutes when York bagged two goals, the first one nobody seemed to realise had crossed the line, and the second a superb curling effort from near the corner flag. Telford almost got back into it straight away thanks to a long range thunderbastard from Ellis Deeney (Troy's brother) but it was unfortunately ruled out for offside. Unlucky lad. And that was it. Felt slightly sorry for the Telford bench who came under a constant hail of hearing aids, Werther's Originals and false teeth, but the result was fair in the end.


To sum up – I Absolutely Love Bootham Crescent! So glad we made it before she disappears. If you miss old football you should visit too!


And so to the scoring:
Atmosphere 2.5 Decent for the level but tailed off early in second half when York were attacking the open end.
Food & Drink 3.0 Good, not great. No need to take the top off the water, you're not high risk!
Stadium 4.0 Old school perfection for me. Thank you. Sam not so impressed.
Value For Money 3.5 Reasonable . Worth it to experience football how it used to be.

Bonus points for Bovril, character mascot, 50/50 draw and singing at least three different songs.

Half a point each for big baldie on the pitch and flag-waving kids.

Lost a point for home fans using a drum.

Final score 17.0.


Current table:
1 Rotherham United 19.0
2 Chesterfield Town 18.5
3 York City 17.0
4 Walsall 16.5
5 Stamford 16.0
6 Doncaster Rovers 15.5
7 Boston United 15.0
8 Lincoln City 13.5
9 Falkirk 13.0
10 Sleaford Town 12.5
11 Mansfield Town 12.0

Total goals so far = 33. Average goals = 3.00. Global average 2.75.

Miles this match = 163. Miles this season = 1413.