Living in Newark
nowadays we've intended to get along to one of the local clubs, and
today was the day. The mechanic at Nice Motors had told me all about
this up-and-coming team called Newark Flowserve, where the football
was entertaining and the fans lively, so that's where we went, for
the visit of Long Eaton United. They play at a ground called
Lowfields Lane, and as I spent many happy seasons standing on the
Lowfields terrace at Elland Road it seemed fate that I would visit.
It was a double socks
and thermals day when we headed to the outskirts of Newark and up the
slope towards the home of Newark Flowserve. Parking is free and right
outside the entrance, use postcode NG24 3BU. First impressions are
that it looks quite scruffy, but you have to remember that the team
are on a steep upward trajectory and the infrastructure must keep
pace with that development. It takes time to improve a football
ground at any level and Lowfields Lane is a work in progress. They do
have a really good social club on site which is actually the property
of Flowserve, an engineering company that all the players used to be
drawn from (we're talking many, many, many years ago, when the team
was called J Simpson & Co Football Club). On Saturday that cosy
clubhouse was a very welcome respite from the arctic temperature
outside.
It's very cheap to get
in, it cost just £5 for me and an extra quid for Sam, and just
inside the solitary turnstile you'll find the programmes and the
Golden Goal tickets, for £2 and £1 respectively. To the left of the
turnstile is a practice pitch, upon which we watched the teams doing
their warm-ups. We even got the odd “Orite lads” from the
players, you don't get that in the Premier League! We did notice a
higher than usual number of man-buns, which would work in Flowserve's
favour when the scoring took place next day...
At non-league grounds
we like to walk right around the pitch but you can't do that here,
unless you climb through a fence a trespass through the gardens of
Betty & Tony, Liz & Martin and Wilf at number 43. We didn't
want to do that so settled for a slight trespass onto the pitch for
photos before heading inside for a warm through before going to find
some food.
Ah, the
food...absolutely bloody marvellous! Maureen & Janice in the
Snack Shack are incredibly friendly and welcoming, the polar opposite
of the Ferocious Snackbar Lady at Eslaforde Park, home of Sleaford
Town. We both opted for cheeseburger with chips, Sam added a water
and I had to settle for a tomato soup as there-s no Bovril on offer
(come on Flowserve, that was an easy point you dropped there!). My
burger was a tastebud treat. And the whole lot cost under a tenner,
so really good value too.
We found a couple of
seats at the end of the small stand, oddly positioned behind one half
of the goal line, and awaited the match. The crowd at Newark
Flowserve is a little different to most non-league crowds, a lot less
old boys in flat caps and a lot more younger lads who wouldn't look
out of place in a photo on social media posing in front of a flag,
labelled “Lads on the way to Blackburn”. There was also a lot of
Nottingham Forest badges on show, so I think Flowserve pick up quite
a lot of fans when Forest are not at home.
Out strolled the teams
and we're off! We were debuting a new point scoring method today, a
quarter of a point for every man-bun on the pitch at kick-off, and
three of Flowserve's back four obliged, earning them a nice 0.75
extra. We'd been led to believe that Newark Flowserve are the Man
City of this league, so it was a shock to see them lose 3-1 to a
mid-table rival – it's obvious that this was simply a bad day at
the office, things will be back on track soon I'm sure. Long Eaton's
second goal was beautiful, a 30 yard shot which flew like a Scud
missile into the roof of the net, leaving the (slightly too far
forward) goalie back-pedalling helplessly. Newark's penalty
consolation came following one of three comical penno shouts in the
first five minutes after the restart.
We thoroughly enjoyed
our afternoon at Lowfields Lane, despite the cold weather and the
crowd of feral young kids throwing stones into the ground from the
adjacent building site. And we missed out on winning the Golden Goal
by just two minutes dammit. We'll be back for sure...
And so to the scoring:
Atmosphere 2.0 The
lads behind the dugouts enjoyed themselves, especially after
Flowserve pulled a goal back.
Food & Drink 3.5 No
pies, but fabulous cheeseburger. And no Bovril. Decent though.
Stadium 2.0 It will do
for now but will need to keep pace with the team's upward progress.
Value For Money 4.0
Less than £20 for the whole football day out? Blooming marvellous!
Bonus points for 50/50
draw (Golden Goal in this case) and fans singing at least three
different songs
Man bun bonus (0.25
each) of 0.75
Lost a point for home
fans using a drum.
Final score 13.25
Current table:
1 Rotherham United 19.0
2 Chesterfield Town
18.5
3
York City 17.0
4 Walsall 16.5
5
Stamford 16.0
6 Doncaster Rovers 15.5
7 Boston United 15.0
8 Lincoln City 13.5
9 Newark Flowserve
13.25
10 Falkirk 13.0
11 Sleaford Town 12.5
12 Mansfield Town 12.0
Total goals so far =
37. Average goals = 3.08. Global average 2.75.
Miles this match = 3.
Miles this season = 1416.
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